Using Structure and Scheduling for Your Child and Taking Much Needed Time for You

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When you arrive home with the kids after school and work, the first thing you may want to do is relax!  Turning on the television for your child, letting her watch a movie, or allowing her to engage in her repetitive behaviors to her heart’s content is very tempting.  You have had a long day and rest is probably the first thing you would like to do.  Allowing these things just discussed though should be kept to a minimum and used as “earned” activities or used in emergency situations (i.e., when you just can’t take it anymore!).

So, what do you do instead?  When do you get “you” time?  First, focus on creating structure for your child during these down times.  Structure and routine are so important for children with autism. They are important for just about everyone but when it comes to children on the autism spectrum, they really thrive on routine and structure. You establish predictability with structure and routine and it can also help with meltdowns.

Create a visual schedule for your child for the evening routine using printed out photographs which you can Velcro in order to a piece of paper (a laminated paper is best).  A child can, by following clear pictures, recognize the order and importance of daily activities.  This reduces stress and anxiety because they know what to expect and what will be happening next. For example, you may allow 15 minutes of free play time, then homework, then dinner, then bath/shower, then bedtime routine activities, then bed.  It allows your child to see what to expect for the evening and also guides you as the parent, reminding you each evening what the structure should be.

What if your child does not follow visual schedules independently?  That’s okay!  It may take a few days, or even a few weeks, but after you guide them through the schedule each night, using a timer to signal the end of each activity, and guiding them to take off each picture as it is completed, they will learn to follow the schedule themselves and become independent before you know it.

Final tips: Be sure to include fun things that your child likes on the schedule, not just work activities and boring nightly activities.  Sometimes let them choose the activities during certain times (e.g., bedtime routine activities).  Lastly, be sure that when your child has successfully completed their schedule and is successfully in bed, do something good for you!  Enjoy that piece of cake that’s been sitting in the refrigerator or that glass of wine you’ve been waiting for all week.  Watch a movie with your partner.  Now it’s you time!

How to Teach Children with Autism How to Play Independently

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Do you ever wonder how you make it through each day, getting your child dressed and to school?  What about shopping, laundry, house cleaning, and dinner? Somehow you do it, and that is enough for anyone to be proud of.  We want to provide you with some additional techniques that may help with the time when your child with autism is home and needs to be looked after, but you also have things to accomplish.

Preparing dinner is a great scenario that many parents have difficulties with.  The solution for many parents is to put a movie on, give the child the iPad, or to allow the child to engage in whatever self-stimulatory behaviors they enjoy most (e.g., running around the house repeating phrases, flapping objects up and down, or rolling cars back and forth on the floor while lying down staring at them).  Although these may be activities that make your child happy and allow you to get dinner ready, there are additional techniques that foster appropriate independent engagement by your child with autism during times you cannot provide your full attention.

Activity schedules work wonders for this purpose. Activity schedules are visual guides that lead a person through a series of activities, leading to an ultimate prize.  Visual schedules help with transitioning from one activity to another with minimal prompting.

There are some pre-requisites to being able to utilize schedules although these can be worked on in the meantime if your child does not have them.  Your child should be able to independently play with some objects, even if the object is as simple as a peg board, or as complex as a 100-piece Lego structure.  Laminate pictures of these activities and velcro them to a vertical strip hanging on the wall.  At the bottom should be a picture of what your child really wants to do in the moment, even if it’s dinner!  If your child has never had experience with an activity schedule, guide them through the process of pointing to the first picture, finding the activity, playing with the activity, putting the activity away, taking that picture off the schedule, pointing to the next picture, and so on and so forth until the ultimate activity or item is achieved.

Some tips: start with only one or two activities until your child can independently utilize the schedule and transition from activity to activity.  Also, remember that the activities should be somewhat preferred by your child, as this is their independent time and we want to increase the success of them playing independently.  If they dislike activities, this increases the chance of challenging behaviors and the need for more of your attention.  It may take a few days, or even weeks to develop this skill. Over time, your child will be able to complete this task with increasing independence, practice decision making and pursue the activities that interest him or her and it will give you some much needed time to get things done while at the same time knowing that your child is being productive.

What should you do IN RESPONSE to your child engaging in challenging behavior?

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Remember those four reasons why people may engage in challenging behaviors discussed in the previous post?  People may want attention from other people, may want something, may want to get out of something, or may enjoy how the behavior feels.  If you haven’t already read it, we suggest reading the prior post so the information below is as useful as possible.

This post will focus on reactive strategies, based on the reason your child is engaging in the particular challenging behavior.  In other words, what should you do in response to your child engaging in the behavior?  This is probably the most stressful for parents as they may wonder if what they are doing is right.  They may wonder if they are hindering or helping their child.  Hopefully we can provide some guidance.

If your child engages in a particular challenging behavior to get something that he/she wants, it is important for him to learn that his behaviors do not lead to getting what he/she wants.  You should avoid giving them what they want when engaging in the problem behavior, and even after the behavior ends.  The child should only be allowed to get what they want if he engages in a more appropriate behavior, which we will discuss in a future post. This can be difficult for parents as giving the child what they want quiets them down and relieves much of the stress in the home or community setting.  The problem is that your child will learn this connection and continue to engage in this behavior in the future when they want to same thing. It will become a repeated cycle.

If your child engages in a particular challenging behavior to get out of something, such as homework or eating dinner, it is important to not allow him to get out of the situation until they engage in a more appropriate behavior.  If the child hits and screams while doing homework, it is important to follow through, require them to complete a few more problems without hitting and screaming, and then they can leave.  More appropriate behaviors to get out of doing things they don’t want to do will be discussed in future posts.

If your child engages in a particular challenging behavior to get attention, you should avoid providing attention to them until the behavior is not occurring or he engages in a more appropriate behavior to get your attention.  Providing attention only teaches them that this bad behavior leads to what they want.  This connection needs to be disconnected and the child needs to be taught more appropriate ways to get attention.

Last, if your child engages in some challenging behavior because it feels good, such as head banging, it is important to block this behavior so that this particular behavior does not provide the sensory satisfaction that your child is receiving (in addition to preventing them from doing harm to themselves).  You can physically block the behavior or there are many devices created for this purpose.

Stay tuned for a future post providing suggestions for what to teach your child to do instead of engaging in the bad behaviors they currently know will get them what they want.  Just reacting how we have described above will not teach new, appropriate ways to get what they want.  Teaching a new, more appropriate behavior is the key to decreasing challenging behaviors.

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What approach should caregivers take with challenging behaviors?

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Challenging BehaviorsManaging challenging behaviors can be quite stressful.  Most of the time, parents just do what they can to get through the situation with as little fuss and fighting as possible.  Unfortunately, this often times involves strategies that may be counterproductive, increasing the chance of these behaviors occurring in the future.  If the goal is to decrease these behaviors in the long run, there are specific strategies to use based on why the behavior is occurring.  Not all behaviors should be treated the same.  These strategies that we will discuss below and in future posts may not always be the first strategy a parent would think of, we do recommend consultation with a behavior analyst who can provide a treatment plan and provide support for you and your family along the way.

In general, it is important to plan for a) alternative behaviors to teach your child to engage in instead of the behaviors they currently engage in during specific situations, as well as b) how to handle behaviors in the moment when they are occurring.  When planning for these strategies, it is crucial to always think about why your child is exhibiting the particular challenging behavior.  There are four reasons that people engage in maladaptive behaviors, to get something they want, to get attention from someone, to get out of a situation, and to get sensory feedback from the behavior itself.  We will briefly review these four reasons in this post.

Children often engage in maladaptive behaviors to get something they want.  For example, a child may want a cookie out of reach in the kitchen, so he screams in the kitchen, hitting his head until someone comes in the kitchen and offers what they can until he or she gets what they want.  The child learned that screaming and hitting his head is an effective way to get a cookie.

Children also engage in maladaptive behaviors to get attention from others.  Have you ever been talking with your partner and your child starts screaming or engaging in other bad behaviors?  This may be because he or she wants your attention, for you to pay attention.

A very common reason why children engage in challenging behaviors is to get out of things.  Imagine a child eating dinner and he starts throwing his food and hitting their caregiver.  The caregiver says, “okay, okay, all done,” and allows the child to leave.  The child learned that throwing and hitting is an effective way to get out of eating.

Lastly, children diagnosed with autism engage in challenging behaviors sometimes because they like how the challenging behavior feels.  Screaming, pinching their bodies, pulling their hair, banging their heads on hard surfaces are all behaviors that may serve some sensory need.  It is important to distinguish this from any of the other reasons previously discussed before determining how to react and what to teach instead.

Take some time to think about your child’s challenging behaviors and why he or she may be engaging in them.  Stay posted for future posts outlining strategies for how to react to these behaviors and what to teach your child instead, based on why they are engaging in the behavior.

What have been your specific challenges?

Parenting Survival Skills

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Do you ever feel like your child or children take all of your energy and you therefore have no energy to give to your spouse, partner, or friends?  This is very normal although so important to pay attention to, be mindful of, and work at.  Humans are social beings and we need that support network to function in our daily lives.  Without it, we will get worn down and we will eventually see turmoil in our relationships, work, and ways of parenting.  Below are some relationship recommendations that are so important when raising children, more importantly, children with autism.

First, ensure that you have a close adult companion who you can confide in.  If you have a spouse or partner, it will most likely be them.  If you do not have a spouse or a partner, identify a close friend who you can have real, open conversations with and who can call on when in times of need.  It’s important to let someone know what you are going through and how you feel.  Someone who just listens can be a great source of strength.

Second, have high levels of communication with your partner about your parenting strategies, away from your child.  It is so important to have consistent parenting styles and strategies.  Disagreeing during an episode with your child will only increase the stress and make matters worse.  The communication needs to happen when you are alone with each other and you can come to resolutions.  This will help in times when one parent needs a break and the other parent can step right in and be consistent with the strategies that the first parent was just using.  Just as a marriage builds a relationship, a child builds a team.

Ask for help, especially at first. Don’t hesitate to use whatever support is available for you. Your family and friends are there to help, but may not know how.  Maybe you can just have someone take the kids out for an afternoon? Or cook dinner for your family one night.

If you can, allow yourself to take a break, take some time away.  It can be as simple as taking a walk or even going to see a movie, going shopping or visiting a friend can make a world of a difference. Schedule fun adult time on a regular basis, away from your child, with your partner or close friends.  This is so important!  Parenting is difficult and brings many challenges to relationships.  It is important to spend time together, focusing on the two of you and not worrying about your child in the next room.

Lastly, don’t forget to rest.  If you are getting regular sleep, you will be better prepared to make good decisions, be more patient with your child and deal with the stress in your life.

Remember that if you want to take the best possible care of your child, you must first take the best possible care of yourself. Relax, have fun, and focus on you!

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Parent Tips To Determining Why Behavior Problems Happen

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A helpful way to effectively tackle a child’s problem behavior is to figure out why it is happening in the first place.  To implement an intervention without this important information may produce no results or even make the challenging behavior far worse than it was before implementing the tactic you’ve chosen.

To figure out a behavior’s possible function, first we have to look at the antecedent—whatever it is that happened right before the behavior. And secondly, we also have to pay attention to the consequence that happens while or after the behavior happened.  This relationship between antecedent àbehavior ß consequence over time may contribute to why a child does the problem behavior.

There are four likely reason “why” a behavior may happen: for access, to escape/avoid, for attention, and for self-stimulation.

  1. Access

A problem behavior can be strengthened or reinforced when it produces a consequence that increases the chance of the problem behavior from happening again over time.

Example

A child is told he cannot have his tablet to play video games on which results in the child engaging in tantrum behaviors.  The parent does not want to deal with the tantrums so the child is given the tablet.  In this example, tantrums after being told “NO, you can’t have ____” resulted in the child getting what he cannot have.

A B C
Told no tablet/video games Tantrums Got tablet video games

 

  1. Escape/Avoidance

A problem behavior can be strengthened or reinforced when it produces a removal of something a person does not like (Escape).  The same strengthening of the behavior may also happen if the behavior prevents something that a person does not like from happening at all (Avoidance). Providing the behavior with either consequence may strengthen the behavior over time.

Example 1 (Escape)

A child is asked by his parent if there is homework for the day.  The child says yes and with her parent, starts working on the homework.  As the work becomes more difficult, the child starts complaining to the parent.  The parent instructs the child to continue working, but the child just continues complaining and eventually starts throwing pencils towards the wall. Unsure about what to do, the parent takes the homework off the table and tells the child that she doesn’t need to work on it anymore.

A B C
Instruction to continue with school-work Continual complaints, throwing pencil at wall School-work removed

 

Example 2 (Avoidance)

Upon getting home, the parent asks the child if there is homework for the day.  The child replies, “No homework today, yay!”  There is homework for that day.

A B C
Parent asks about homework Lies about having no homework Homework avoided
  1. Attention

A problem behavior can be strengthened or reinforced when it produces any response from another person that leads to the likelihood on the problem behavior from happening again over time.

Example

A family is having dinner at the table.  The elder child starts playing with her food and manages to flick a pea from her plate across the table with her fork.  The younger child starts laughing at his sibling being funny.  The elder child then repeats the behavior which makes the younger child laugh hysterically.  The parent asks the elder child to stop, but to no avail—peas scattered all over the dining table.

A B C
Other people at the table Flicking pea across the table (elder child) Younger child laughing

 

  1. Self-stimulatory

A problem behavior can also be reinforced automatically by the pleasant sensations the action produces. Parents can have an idea if a problem behavior may function for self-stimulation if the child performs the behavior regardless whether the child is around individuals or—and most especially—if the child is all alone.

Example

A child watching a video on her tablet “rewinds” the video to a specific scene, watches the clip for a few seconds, then rewinds the video once again to watch the same scene.  This chain of behaviors may repeat for an indefinite length of time.

A B C
End of favorite clip (and “desire” to watch again Rewinds video to the beginning of favorite scene Watching favorite scene again

Although there are now many tools that we can use to figure out the specific function of a behavior, parents and caregivers can still use A-B-C data analysis to help them find out the function(s) of a problem behavior to help determine the best tactic to use in addressing the behavioral difficulty.   For complex or intense problem behaviors that can pose a hazard to a child’s and others’ safety, it is highly advised that parents/caregiver seek assistance from a qualified behavior analyst.