Parenting Survival Skills

Do you ever feel like your child or children take all of your energy and you therefore have no energy to give to your spouse, partner, or friends?  This is very normal although so important to pay attention to, be mindful of, and work at.  Humans are social beings and we need that support network to function in our daily lives.  Without it, we will get worn down and we will eventually see turmoil in our relationships, work, and ways of parenting.  Below are some relationship recommendations that are so important when raising children, more importantly, children with autism.

First, ensure that you have a close adult companion who you can confide in.  If you have a spouse or partner, it will most likely be them.  If you do not have a spouse or a partner, identify a close friend who you can have real, open conversations with and who can call on when in times of need.  It’s important to let someone know what you are going through and how you feel.  Someone who just listens can be a great source of strength.

Second, have high levels of communication with your partner about your parenting strategies, away from your child.  It is so important to have consistent parenting styles and strategies.  Disagreeing during an episode with your child will only increase the stress and make matters worse.  The communication needs to happen when you are alone with each other and you can come to resolutions.  This will help in times when one parent needs a break and the other parent can step right in and be consistent with the strategies that the first parent was just using.  Just as a marriage builds a relationship, a child builds a team.

Ask for help, especially at first. Don’t hesitate to use whatever support is available for you. Your family and friends are there to help, but may not know how.  Maybe you can just have someone take the kids out for an afternoon? Or cook dinner for your family one night.

If you can, allow yourself to take a break, take some time away.  It can be as simple as taking a walk or even going to see a movie, going shopping or visiting a friend can make a world of a difference. Schedule fun adult time on a regular basis, away from your child, with your partner or close friends.  This is so important!  Parenting is difficult and brings many challenges to relationships.  It is important to spend time together, focusing on the two of you and not worrying about your child in the next room.

Lastly, don’t forget to rest.  If you are getting regular sleep, you will be better prepared to make good decisions, be more patient with your child and deal with the stress in your life.

Remember that if you want to take the best possible care of your child, you must first take the best possible care of yourself. Relax, have fun, and focus on you!

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How To Make Long Car Rides More Manageable With Children With Autism

Taking a long car ride anytime soon?  It’s time to start planning how to keep your child busy and how to make the long drive as enjoyable as it can be.  Some children with autism may do really well on car rides as it provides them with time for them to do enjoyable things such as looking out the window and watching the trees and other cars go by.  Some may enjoy listening to the music in the car, or even sleeping throughout the trip!  Other children may not do so well and parents may run into troubles such as crying, screaming, kicking seats, and even trying to get out of seat belts.  Regardless of how easy or how difficult your car rides are, some of the below strategies may assist with make the ride a bit more enjoyable.

First, remember to switch on the child lock so that the rear door cannot be opened from the inside. If your child is someone who tries to get out of the seat belt, then you may consider getting covers or locks for the buckles in the backseat. Also, make sure that the child’s car seat is installed correctly.  You can also make the car seat more comfortable for the long car ride by adding more padding under the seat cover.

Providing visuals can be another great strategy in making long road trips more manageable.  Use schedules, maps and even photo albums to help understand where you are going and whom you will see. Any type of visual support will reduce anxiety and increase interest.

Your child may need to take some regular breaks and be able to get out of the car to stretch or run around.  Look for signs that your child may be anxious, such body language, and take pit stops as needed.

Planning out the mileage of the trip and divide that mileage up into small chunks can be very helpful. If you are driving 300 miles, break this up into 10 chunks of 30 miles (or even 20 chunks of 5 miles, depending on how often your child may need positive rewards for good behavior).  Every 30 miles that your child behaves well (define this for your child such as sitting nicely, no screaming, and no kicking) he or she is allowed to pull a prize out of a prize bag that you have prepared ahead of time with treats, small toys, and special items that your child will enjoy.  Children with autism often dislike uncertainty and that uncertainty often creates overwhelm and behavior problems.  To avoid this, draw out squares on a piece of paper so he knows how many squares are left until you arrive at your destination.  Possibly make the half way point a very large prize, if he or she earns it.

Prepare a snack bag as well as a toy bag ahead of time so you have food when your child is hungry and toys when your child is bored.  Toys such as drawing boards, electronics (iPad or similar device) on which the child can play games or watch movies, travel games such as perfection, and books may work well to keep your child occupied.

The theme is to plan ahead so you and your family can be prepared for the long trek ahead.

Have fun and Bon Voyage!

Making Bedtime And Sleep An Easier Routine For Children With Autism and PDD

Bedtime can be one of those nightly events which many parents love or hate, or both!  It means that peace and quiet is soon ahead, but it also can mean that a huge struggle is about to proceed.  Many children with autism have difficulties either transitioning to bed, falling asleep, or even staying asleep all night long.  As all of these difficulties can increase the stress and tension in the home, below are some strategies to help reduce this potential stress. Keep in mind that no single suggestion will for all children and getting the right amount of sleep will allow your child to perform better academically, encourage the development of motor skills, and allow them to maintain a better mindset.  Not to mention, it’ll help mom and dad get a fuller night of rest, too!

Probably the most important strategy is to create a consistent nightly routine around the same time each night.  A routine helps signal the body that it’s time for bed and it can be soothing if there’s a lot of stimuli around. The routine can consist of a bath/shower, getting dressed for bed, playing a board game with the family, and/or reading a few books to quiet down.   Whatever the routine, keep it consistent so the child learns what to expect each night.

To enhance your child’s understanding of the nightly routine, you may consider using a visual schedule so they understand what happens in the evenings.  Take pictures of all events (e.g., dinner time at the table, bath time, reading books, and the child in bed), laminate the pictures and a piece of construction paper, and Velcro each picture either horizontally or vertically on the paper.  When each event is completed, you can guide your child to take off the picture and point to the next event.

If your child is one that seems wound up, even when he is physically in bed, make sure that the activities in the nightly routine are calmer in nature.  Choose books over exciting and loud family games.  Dim the lights when reading books. Play soothing instrumental music (baby lullaby bedtime music works well!) throughout the bedtime routine.  Focus on making sure the environment is quiet and calm.

If your child has a hard time falling asleep, or wakes up in the middle of the night, first consider if she takes naps during the day.  You may want to reduce these naps so your child is more tired at night time.  If your child wakes up in the middle of the night, be sure to keep the sleeping environment calm and do not allow him or her to play games or leave his or her room.  This may take many sleepless nights by the parents but it will pay off in the end.

Parents, remember, the time you invest in putting a sleep routine now will save you many, many hours in the long run and you won’t have to do it forever.  Once the patterns are established, you will be able to reclaim a large part of your evening for yourselves.

Parent Tips To Determining Why Behavior Problems Happen

A helpful way to effectively tackle a child’s problem behavior is to figure out why it is happening in the first place.  To implement an intervention without this important information may produce no results or even make the challenging behavior far worse than it was before implementing the tactic you’ve chosen.

To figure out a behavior’s possible function, first we have to look at the antecedent—whatever it is that happened right before the behavior. And secondly, we also have to pay attention to the consequence that happens while or after the behavior happened.  This relationship between antecedent àbehavior ß consequence over time may contribute to why a child does the problem behavior.

There are four likely reason “why” a behavior may happen: for access, to escape/avoid, for attention, and for self-stimulation.

  1. Access

A problem behavior can be strengthened or reinforced when it produces a consequence that increases the chance of the problem behavior from happening again over time.

Example

A child is told he cannot have his tablet to play video games on which results in the child engaging in tantrum behaviors.  The parent does not want to deal with the tantrums so the child is given the tablet.  In this example, tantrums after being told “NO, you can’t have ____” resulted in the child getting what he cannot have.

A B C
Told no tablet/video games Tantrums Got tablet video games

 

  1. Escape/Avoidance

A problem behavior can be strengthened or reinforced when it produces a removal of something a person does not like (Escape).  The same strengthening of the behavior may also happen if the behavior prevents something that a person does not like from happening at all (Avoidance). Providing the behavior with either consequence may strengthen the behavior over time.

Example 1 (Escape)

A child is asked by his parent if there is homework for the day.  The child says yes and with her parent, starts working on the homework.  As the work becomes more difficult, the child starts complaining to the parent.  The parent instructs the child to continue working, but the child just continues complaining and eventually starts throwing pencils towards the wall. Unsure about what to do, the parent takes the homework off the table and tells the child that she doesn’t need to work on it anymore.

A B C
Instruction to continue with school-work Continual complaints, throwing pencil at wall School-work removed

 

Example 2 (Avoidance)

Upon getting home, the parent asks the child if there is homework for the day.  The child replies, “No homework today, yay!”  There is homework for that day.

A B C
Parent asks about homework Lies about having no homework Homework avoided
  1. Attention

A problem behavior can be strengthened or reinforced when it produces any response from another person that leads to the likelihood on the problem behavior from happening again over time.

Example

A family is having dinner at the table.  The elder child starts playing with her food and manages to flick a pea from her plate across the table with her fork.  The younger child starts laughing at his sibling being funny.  The elder child then repeats the behavior which makes the younger child laugh hysterically.  The parent asks the elder child to stop, but to no avail—peas scattered all over the dining table.

A B C
Other people at the table Flicking pea across the table (elder child) Younger child laughing

 

  1. Self-stimulatory

A problem behavior can also be reinforced automatically by the pleasant sensations the action produces. Parents can have an idea if a problem behavior may function for self-stimulation if the child performs the behavior regardless whether the child is around individuals or—and most especially—if the child is all alone.

Example

A child watching a video on her tablet “rewinds” the video to a specific scene, watches the clip for a few seconds, then rewinds the video once again to watch the same scene.  This chain of behaviors may repeat for an indefinite length of time.

A B C
End of favorite clip (and “desire” to watch again Rewinds video to the beginning of favorite scene Watching favorite scene again

Although there are now many tools that we can use to figure out the specific function of a behavior, parents and caregivers can still use A-B-C data analysis to help them find out the function(s) of a problem behavior to help determine the best tactic to use in addressing the behavioral difficulty.   For complex or intense problem behaviors that can pose a hazard to a child’s and others’ safety, it is highly advised that parents/caregiver seek assistance from a qualified behavior analyst.